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change, healing, lessons learned

Bridging the Racial Divide

Friends, we are doing our black brothers and sister a great injustice by being silent and ignorant about what’s happening to black people all around us. The Bible warns us:

Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.

Philippians 2:4 NCV

I’ve always thought I was “color blind,” but it has been brought to my attention lately that that phrase is offensive. I am so sorry. 

I’ve always thought that “white privilege” was ignorant people making rude comments to and about people of color. It’s more than that. It’s me. Because I was born white, I don’t have to worry about being racially profiled, and that right there is my white privilege. 

By saying “all lives matter,” we’re ignoring the fact that right now, in 2020, black lives are in danger. All lives won’t matter until and unless black lives also matter. When your brother is stopped by the police and falsely accused, you don’t care that the “statistics” say it rarely happens. People’s real-life experiences matter. We don’t know the whole story unless we ask.

Our black neighbors just want to be heard and recognized for the struggles they’re experiencing. James exhorts us, “My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily” (1:19 NCV). If we have not gone through the same struggles, we cannot understand what they’re facing. And we should not even try. 

Neutral means you’re choosing not to see what I’m going through.

K.W.

I can never be color blind again. I am choosing to set aside my white privilege to stand with my black brothers and sisters. 

I am choosing not to be neutral. I am choosing to listen, to stand up for the rights of black people, and to use my voice as a writer to help bridge the racial divide in my sphere of influence. 

Now is the time to mourn with those who are mourning over injustice in our land toward black people. “Be happy with those who are happy, and be sad with those who are sad” (Romans 12:15 NCV).

What can you do? “Use the gifts God has given you to make a difference!” (K.W.). Not everyone is called to march in a protest. Not everyone can write. But everyone can listen. Everyone can pray for healing in our land. Everyone can say something when we hear racial slurs. 

devotional, lessons learned, midlife faith, moving on, reinventing

Soul Anchor: Anchor Series Part 1

Life storms are inevitable although no one could have predicted anything like this recent worldwide pandemic, just like we have no way of knowing when life’s storms will hit us. 

But we need to be prepared for when our husband’s boss calls to say he had a stroke at age 52. We need to be prepared for when our child texts us to say she’s marrying her lesbian lover. We need to be prepared for city riots, foreclosed homes, and totaled cars. 

How? By anchoring our souls in Jesus as our hope!

We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us.

Hebrews 6:19-20

When you’re out on the ocean in a 26-foot sailboat, you’d be foolish not to have an anchor on board. You’d be even more foolish if you didn’t drop that anchor overboard when the clouds started swirling on the horizon. But you can’t just drop the anchor over the side of the boat and hope it holds you. You’ve got to make sure it’s secured to the bottom; otherwise, you’ll still be swept along with the angry tides.

A sailor must have excellent navigation experience, superior communication skills, and a competent crew in order to be prepared for all possibilities. 

As landlubber Christians, we need to be able to navigate our way through God’s instruction manual for life—the Bible, have open communication—prayer—with our heavenly Father, and make sure our crew—community—is in tip-top shape. 

Over the next few weeks, we’ll take a look at each of these three ideas and figure out why they’re so vital in our lives so that we can drop anchor in a safe harbor when the storms of life assail us. 

Please join us on this journey, so you can make sure your anchor is at the ready! Just sign up to make sure you receive each new post straight to your inbox.

anxiety, healing, lessons learned, midlife faith, moving on, reinventing

After the Storm: Part 4, Jesus in the Storm

The question now is, what will we do after the storm is over? Eventually, we will be unquarantined; eventually you’ll hold the divorce certificate in your hand; eventually you’ll find another job, another house, another church; eventually the drama in your children’s lives will settle down. But what lesson will you take away from these storms?

Through the more recent storms in my life, my prayer has been, “Lord, what lesson do you want me to learn? How can I glorify you through this hot mess?” 

My first takeaway has been to attempt to have a positive attitude throughout this whole quarantine business. I’ve had my moments; trust me! But overall, I think I may finally, after 49 years (!!), be learning how “in whatever situation I am to be content” (Philippians 4:11). What I’ve learned is that whining just makes it (whatever “it” is) worse. This morning, our pastor reminded us that we should not hear gratitude and complaints coming out of someone’s mouth at the same time (James 3:9-12). 

Everyone is eager to return to “normal” after being quarantined for the past three months or so. While I admit to wanting to ditch the mask and hug my friends in church, I often longed for the merry-go-round of life to stop just long enough for me to catch my breath. Well, the merry-go-round stopped. Sometimes we need to be careful what we wish for! 

Here’s the crux of the matter: Do we really want to return to the rat race of constant activity? Perhaps we’ll be more intentional about our choices for activities. For sure I’m going to be more intentional about how I spend my time! I’m also going to be more intentional about seeking out community.

My second takeaway is this: We need to check on our neighbors and friends whom we know live alone—even after we’re all allowed outside again. Chances are that if they were lonely during the quarantine, they’re still lonely now. Let’s make a plan and not just to keep them in our thoughts and prayers—keep them on our speed dial too! Make a plan to keep dropping off a plate of cookies every few weeks, just because.

Let’s be intentional about going to church and small groups even after the excitement of being allowed to meet again wears off. Don’t let church time get crowded out by sports games, beach trips, and sleeping in.

On the flip side, don’t sign up for every committee just because you feel like you have to. It’s still ok to say no and to realize that family time must be a priority. 

My daughter was in Italy having her dream semester abroad when her school canceled everything, so she had to come home and do her classes online. There is absolutely no online substitute for walking around Rome, Florence, and Sicily. Being locked in a small dorm room alone is no substitute for traveling to Spain and Portugal for spring break. I get that. I really do. And I still feel absolutely terrible about her missed opportunities. She cried. I cried. But, I have absolutely reveled in the unexpected blessing of having her here to help me move and to spend time with her. She graduates from college next year, so this is the last time I’ll have with her just to be together. And it’s so sweet. It’s an unexpected blessing in this difficult time. 

What unexpected blessings have you found during this weird pandemic time? Remember to keep looking for unexpected blessings even when life goes back to “normal”! That’s the third takeaway. 

My fourth and final takeaway comes from looking again at the story of Jesus and the disciples in the storm from Mark 4:35-41—after Jesus calmed the storm with just a few words, he looked at the disciples as if he were disgusted with them (that’s what my attitude would be anyway). 

Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?

Mark 4:40

They had already seen a bunch of miracles and heard some amazing parables. So why did they think that Jesus would not be able to save them in a storm? 

Yet how often do I think the same thing? When my bank account is a big, fat zero and my car breaks down at the post office, I forget that not once have I been without transportation when I needed it. When I scramble around looking for more classes to teach at the last minute to replace ones that got canceled, I forget that God has always provided a way for me to pay every single bill on time.

When my beloved daddy calls to say the doctor told him he has cancer—for the third time—I forget that Jehovah Rapha can do miracles. And if the miracle is that others will come to Christ through his death, well, Jesus will  be the only way to calm the storm within me. 

Yes, Jesus in the boat right there beside us, but he wants for us to experience his peace and his calmness. He wants us to know, truly know, who he really is and what kind of power he has.   

What are your takeaways from your most recent storm (being quarantined or something else)? How can I pray for you during your current storm?

anxiety, devotional, grief, healing, midlife faith

Comfort in the Storm: Part 3 of Jesus in the Storm

My cutie-pie step grandbaby. Photo creds to Reshelle Stockton (both pics).

Oh, how we long to be comforted like a child who cries for her mama in the middle of a midnight thunderstorm! Somehow it’s not as acceptable to carry around a well-worn Minnie Mouse or stuffed puppy for security when we’re 49 as when we’re 4. So, how can we find comfort in the middle of whatever life storm we find ourselves?

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4 ESV

Turn to Jesus. I know, I know! That sounds like a platitude when you don’t have anything practical to say. But it’s totally the answer (keep reading for a few practical tips, too). Jesus understands loneliness; after all, He was deserted by His BFFs the night before He was sentenced to die. 

So, how do you turn to Jesus when you need comfort? Pray first. Ask specifically to feel comforted. Read the Psalms. David had many hard times, and he found comfort by turning to God every time. I myself find great comfort in reading the Psalms. Turn on some praise and worship music. Let the goodness of God fill your ears and your mind.

God’s a safe-house for the battered,
a sanctuary during bad times.
The moment you arrive, you relax;
you’re never sorry you knocked. Psalm 9:9-10

Psalm 9:9-10 MSG

Sometimes we long so much for physical comfort that it hurts. There’s no other ache like empty arms or an empty spot on the couch. During this forced time of quarantine, loneliness has been magnified. Even introverts are itching to see people! 

Ask for a physical hug from someone in your house, a close friend, or even your pet. If that’s not possible right now, FaceTime a friend; even seeing a loved one’s face can help more than just hearing his/her voice. Often just talking about some of our fears with an understanding friend can help us feel calmer (Proverbs 12:25). Cuddle up with a soft, cozy blanket, a cup of hot tea (coffee, cocoa), and your pet.

Let your steadfast love comfort me
according to your promise to your servant.

Psalm 119:76 ESV

As contrary as it sounds, one of the best ways to feel comforted is to look around for someone else who needs to be comforted. In encouraging someone else, you will feel encouraged and comforted yourself.

Be comforted and encouraged, sweet friend! Drop a line with your prayer request, and I’ll pray for you!

anxiety, devotional, lessons learned, midlife faith

Peace in the Storm: Part 2 of Jesus in the Storm

We all want to experience God’s peace, but we cannot experience His peace until we first comprehend His power. And we cannot comprehend His power without a storm. These two attributes of God go hand-in-hand.

Catherine Segars

Pandemics, large and small disappointments, illnesses, deaths, family troubles—we all have storms in life. So, experiencing fear and anxiety in the midst of any type of storm is understandable.

But the real question we all have is, where is Jesus in the middle of our storms? Where is Jesus now, in the middle of the biggest pandemic our generation has ever experienced? Many of us feel, like the disciples in the boat, that Jesus is ignoring our plight by sleeping through it (Mark 4). And, like those doubting disciples, we tend to jump to the immediate—and incorrect—conclusion that he does not care about our fate.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Jesus is, indeed, right in the middle of the storm with us. That in itself is extremely comforting. I find myself wanting to know that I’m not the only who’s been through abusive marriages and divorces, not the only one with concerns over my parents’ health or my children’s choices, and not the only one who’s ever lost a job or a car or a church due to circumstances beyond my control. 

And Jesus does care deeply about our fates. While he could snap his fingers and heal everyone with COVID-19 now, it’s not very likely that he will. That’s not his style. What he wants, instead, is for us to have faith that he is still in control.

He made the storm be still,
    and the waves of the sea were hushed.

Psalm 107:29

Without the storm, the disciples would never have realized that Jesus had control over the weather. Without the storms in our lives, we may never realize that Jesus is in control over our life circumstances, no matter what they are, and that when he says, “Peace! Be still!” (Mark 4:39) the peace he’s imparting might be into our hearts, not into our situations.

If you’re feeling in need of some peace today, try listening to some praise and worship music while you take some time to read verses about the kind of peace Jesus offers you today. Here are a few to get you started: Psalm 23; Psalm 91; Psalm 107:23-32; Isaiah 26:12; Isaiah 41:10; Mark 4:35-41; Philippians 4:4-9; 2 Timothy 1:7. Which passages would you add?

Pray and ask God specifically for a peaceful heart during your storm. Ask others to pray with you.

The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

What’s your biggest storm in life right now? How are you finding peace in its midst? Please share with me, so I can pray with you!

anxiety, devotional, lessons learned

Jesus in the Storm, Part 1

A worldwide pandemic is not a literal storm, but I imagine it feels as unsettling as Jonah before he jumped overboard or the disciples before they saw Jesus walking on the water toward them.

While the current COVID-19 panic seems to be the biggest storm on the horizon, it’s not the only one. Parents are still dying of cancer, children are still rebelling in the most heart-rending ways, and divorce is still sideswiping many. 

Jesus told us that we would have tribulations in this world (John 16:33). Not might. Not maybe. But definitely. So it would behoove us to be prepared. 

We need to learn to see Jesus in the midst of every storm. While he did not promise us smooth sailing, he did promise to be with us at all times. 

“How apt is faith to stagger if it is not powerfully undergirded.”

Richard Baxter

When I was a teenager, my brother and I spent a summer sailing around Puget Sound on our grandparents’ sailboat. We had a blast earning our Junior Seamanship Certificates and sailing from island to island. 

Being Washington state, the weather wasn’t always sunny with a light wind. No, there were frequent storms replete with thunder, lightning, strong winds, and heavy rains.

The sailboat would rock violently from side to side as rain lashed the decks. We would lower the sails so as not to be pushed about more by the wind. Walking around, even below decks, was impossible. Sometimes my grandpa would drop anchor, and we would ride out the storm in the relative safety of a harbor. 

A few times, though, we were out in the main channel when the wind whipped up, and no immediate port of safety was available. But I was never afraid, even when we were told to batten down the hatches and go below decks. My grandpa was the most competent sailor and had weathered many storms; I trusted him implicitly to pilot the sailboat and us through the storm to safety. And he did. Every time.

Jesus is even better than Sailor Jack. 

When Jesus and his disciples were sailing one day, Jesus fell asleep and slept through a terrible storm. The disciples woke Jesus up because they thought they were going to die in the storm. Jesus, after he calmed the storm, said, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” (Mark 4:40).

Faith is the anchor for our souls. We need to soak up the Word through reading, meditating on, practicing, and passing on the Word of God (Romans 10:17) so that when trials come, our faith may be steadfast (James 1:2-3). 

What’s your current storm? Please share, so I can pray with you! 

anxiety, change, devotional, grief, lessons learned

Plan B

My life lately looks like a season of Well, That Didn’t Go as Planned. But here’s the thing. I. Love. To. Plan. Everything.

Perhaps you have this problem, too?

The heart of man plans his way,
    but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9 ESV

I’ve learned to write in my pretty planner with erasable pens (they’re the bomb), but my stickers don’t always cooperate with being moved. Kind of like their owner.

Right now, my Plan A is for the purchase of my townhome to happen on a particular date. I’ve got a sticker for the movers on that date in my planner and friends with strong backs and muscles lined up, too. But yesterday, I received an email from my lender saying that the date would most likely be pushed back eight days. 

For four years, my baby girl has dreamed about and planned on going to Italy to study abroad this semester. (You already see where this is going, don’t you?) She had been happily ensconced in Rome for two months, racking up the steps on her FitBit when a teeny, tiny little virus spread like wildfire around the globe, aided by the media. 

Her dreams of spending five months traveling and learning around Europe fell like rose petals from a rejected lover as she was rushed back with the rest of her classmates to the “safe” zone of New York City. Platitudes of health and safety aren’t comforting. Now she’s quarantined (yet healthy) in her dorm and wondering how and when her classes will continue in a different country with different professors.

I can relate. I wish I had more comforting words. But I don’t. I wish I could hug her in person. But I can’t. All I can say is, “I’m so sorry, baby, but it will be ok. Eventually.” 

God comforts us when we’re on Plan B (or C or G or M or …) with this:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 ESV

Everything—even the bumped moving date and the disrupted study abroad plans—is for our good, even if we can’t immediately see it. We just have to trust that God knows what He’s doing.  

I love the insight and inspiration of this article by Sandra Peoples: “Your Plan B Is Still God’s Plan A.” Peoples’ life didn’t go as planned, and she looks to a number of biblical examples of others whose lives didn’t go as they planned either. 

Above all, God is sovereign. Sometimes I just have to repeat that over and over to myself. Sometimes I need to remind myself of other times when my unwanted Plan B really did turn out to be so much better than my Plan A because it was God’s Plan A all along. When we surrender to God’s Plan A (even if it’s our Plan C or D), that’s when God gets the glory. And that’s what life is really all about: glorifying God. 

What’s your Plan B? Suspended travel plans? A child’s rejection? An unwanted diagnosis? A divorce? An unexpected death? A job loss? Remember that it’s still God’s Plan A for your life, and it will be better than your Plan A (eventually).

change, lessons learned, midlife faith

Authenticity

Many years ago, I had a close friend. Our kids played together. We worshiped together. We complained about our husbands together. We homeschooled together. We had coffee together. I thought we were best friends.

Then she started pulling back. She didn’t always answer her phone when I called. She started being busy when I tried to plan coffee dates. The real blow came when she and another friend went on a trip and didn’t invite me. We had been talking for several months about it, but hadn’t settled on a date. At least not that I knew about. I was crushed.

She refused to tell me what was going on. Our friendship quietly dissolved.

Years later, she told me why. One of her children was developmentally disabled and didn’t keep up with the same milestones that my same-age child did. Her husband was not saved and refused to attend church; mine was the youth pastor. She felt that her life was inferior to mine.

I was flabbergasted, but I learned a valuable lesson. True, deep friendship cannot flourish without true authenticity. 

If only I had told her that my marriage was also far from perfect: the youth pastor had a serious addiction to pornography that deeply affected our marriage and my own feelings of worth. The child who appeared to be academically advanced for her age had ADD, and I eventually found myself unable to homeschool her for several years because of it.

My pride and natural reserve kept me from enjoying and benefitting from sharing life with a valued friend.

Iron sharpens iron,
    and one [wo]man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

We always kind of wonder how people could really love someone (like ourselves) who is such a hot mess. But here’s the thing, when we open up about our hot messes, when we invite others into our less-than-perfect spaces, we invite others into a shared authentic space.

It’s in that shared authentic space that true love (romantic or filial) and connection blossom. We feel true communion when someone says, “Me too.” Friendship can’t grow in the sterile environment of perfectionism. 

A [wo]man who has friends must [her]self be friendly,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV)

Do you need to make an adjustment in any of your relationships?  I might need to make a few more changes myself.

devotional, divorce, grief, healing, midlife faith

Love Letters

Eight years ago, on my very first Valentine’s Day as a grieving, scared, newly separated, single mom, I got the ultimate rejection: legal separation papers. Yes, they were actually delivered on Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty sure I went through a whole box of tissues that day.

Last year, separated from my second husband, I found out that he was seeing another woman. Yes, before we were legally divorced. (I later discovered that they were married before the ink was even dry on his divorce from me.) 

Let’s just say I don’t have high hopes for this particular holiday. 

But there is Someone who sent me the ultimate love letter. Someone who won’t ever retract it. Someone who, although he loves many others, will never be unfaithful to me.

God sent us the ultimate love letter, so long that it fills 66 separate books. True, some books are more filled with obvious love than others, but the whole Bible is a story of redemption for undeserving people—the  ultimate definition of love.

Although nearly 800 verses displayed when I did a search for the word love in the Bible, the one verse that has been popping up over and over recently doesn’t actually have the word love in it: 

The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

What could be a better definition of love for someone who’s feeling rejected and forgotten on Valentine’s Day more than God taking great delight in me? That’s not an I-love-you-because-I-have-to love. That’s not you’re-not-quite-enough-for-me love. That’s an amazing kind of love! It makes me want to rejoice and sing, too!

Now I just need a way for this amazing truth to sink in the long 12 inches from my head to my heart. 

Friend, I know it’s hard, really hard, especially this week. But know this: you are not forgotten; you are not unloved. You are delighted in! Your Heavenly Father is rejoicing over you with singing!