Tag: encouragement

anxiety, change, encouragement, lessons learned, midlife faith, reinventing

Ditch the Baggage

Bethany LaShell

If you’re anything like me, you’ve made resolutions to lose weight, do devotions daily, save more money, be nicer to your family, and have a home-cooked meal on the table every night by 5:30. While there’s nothing wrong with those resolutions, if you’re anything like me, you’ve already broken at least one of them—and we’re only a few days into the new year!

Why do we do this to ourselves year after year after year? Good question! Let’s take a look at the top resolutions people make, why we break them, and what we can do about it.

Top resolutions

  • Lose weight
  • Exercise more
  • Get organized
  • Learn to speak a new language (or another skill)
  • Save more money/spend less money
  • Quit smoking/drinking/other addiction
  • Read more
  • Travel more

While there’s nothing wrong with any of those resolutions per se, chances are that they won’t stick longer than the time it takes for the list to float underneath the refrigerator.

Let’s think, instead of a different kind of resolution that is attainable. The writer of Hebrews encourages us to run the race of life well (even if we never sign up for a 5K):

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

Why Resolutions Fail

So, why do our best intentions at keeping our New Year’s resolutions—for sure this year—fail? They fail for several reasons:

  • They’re too vague or broad (get healthier)
  • They’re unrealistic (lose 50 pounds in a month)
  • You don’t plan ahead (the pantry has more chips than carrots)
  • They don’t include accountability and/or tracking (I can do this by myself)
  • You’re afraid of failure and self-predict failure (I never keep my resolutions)

How to Make Resolutions Stick

  • Make goals reasonable and achievable
  • Make goals specific
  • Make a plan and post your goals in a visible place; break your goals into smaller, actionable steps
  • Include an accountability partner and/or a tracking mechanism
  • Practice positive self-talk. Leave yourself visible reminders (on your bathroom mirror, steering wheel, phone lock screen)

Maybe trying different types of resolutions is the key to sticking to them. Here’s a helpful list.

Give Yourself Grace

These are all great ideas, but let’s be realistic here. We’ll all have days when we break our New Year’s resolutions—before breakfast even! So let’s learn to show ourselves a little grace.

Let’s resolve this year to let go of the mom/wife/friend guilt we carry around. Just think how much lighter we’d be without all of that extra baggage! When our healthy eating resolutions go out the window with the leftover Christmas fudge, simply resolve to make more healthy choices the next time.

When we hit the snooze alarm one too many times to complete our devotions before the kids clamor for breakfast, resolve to sneak in a little quiet time later in the day instead of giving up.

Let’s resolve that the occasional drive-through meal doesn’t mean the end of our homemade dinner resolutions.

As the apostle Paul reminds us:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

Don’t focus on numbers (on the scale, on social media, in your bank account). Focus on feeling better and doing better, not perfection.

Deal? I’m in for less personal guilt this year, how ’bout you?

Drop me a line and let me know what your resolutions are for this year, so I can pray for grace for you!

anxiety, Book Reviews, encouragement

Holding On When You Want to Let Go–Book Review

Bethany LaShell

I’ve been wanting to read Holding On When You Want to Let Go by Sheila Walsh ever since it hit the shelves. She writes from the place of having wanted to give up and being in difficult circumstances where she didn’t feel like God was anywhere in sight–let alone holding her. Sheila shares her hard-earned wisdom and compassion with us in this hopeful, heartfelt book.

I love Sheila’s familiar, comforting style. She knows there’s no quick fix for the trials we’re going through, so she offers a “God fix” instead. She’s relatable because she’s so open about her struggles, yet she offers the hope found in Jesus. Occasionally, we do have to let go of things: “We let go of what we cannot keep to hold on to our Father, who will never let us go” (pg. 202).

If you’re ready to give up hope, go read this book first!

change, healing, midlife faith, moving on, reinventing

Introducing the Midlife Faith Group!

Bethany LaShell

A few months ago, I had the privilege of being interviewed by Angie Baughman on her podcast Steady On. We chatted about all kinds of life stuff, especially what happens when we get to the middle-aged stage of life (defined by many as ages 40-65ish). I’m pretty sure I had a moment and totally forgot to post the link for y’all to listen to it, so here it is:

Mid-Life Christianity with Bethany LaShell 

You can also find Steady On on most podcasting platforms.

Faith is important in every stage of life, but by midlife, we’ve been hit by some of the bigger storms of life, and our faith has taken a beating. Instead of drowning when the waves roll over us, we can learn to increase our faith.

Faith is a muscle; the more you use it, the bigger it gets. 

I’ve finally figured out that I’m not alone in this stage of life—hallelujah!—and that we’re stronger when we’re together, so I’m creating a private group on Facebook just for women who are in this same, weird, hard stage of life called the middle. Please come join us!   

Midlife Faith is a group for Christian women who are looking for encouragement and hope in the hard stuff of life – adult (ish) children, the (nearly) empty nest, aging parents, job transitions, divorce, church challenges, health issues, and more. Midlife Faith is for women who are in their 40s-50s (ish!) and wondering how to navigate this new stage in their lives. We’re all about pointing others to Jesus and speaking positively into each others’ lives. I’ll be sharing my weekly (ish) encouraging blog posts and other resources. This will be a PRIVATE group on *Facebook, so members can share comfortably. 

Request an invitation today!

Please invite your girlfriends who are in this same stage of life! While we are a Christian group and all about finding answers in the Bible, being a professing Christian is not a requirement for membership in the group. 

*If you’re exiting Facebook in favor of other social media platforms, you can arrange your settings to open immediately to this group instead of your own page.

anxiety, grief, healing

What to Say Instead

Bethany LaShell

Nothing! Yes, often the best thing to say is nothing at all. But that’s so hard for this fix-it society. In fact, I caught myself opening my mouth to spout a fix-it verse just the other day. We often feel like when someone says something, we have to respond. Right that second. Don’t.

Stop. Listen. Think. Respond. Silence is not always a sign of a lack of wisdom. Sometimes it’s the greatest sign of wisdom. Use your filter!

While you’re saying nothing, try just sitting with your friend. Offer a hug, a shoulder, and a tissue box. Actually ask if she wants to talk about it, or what you can do to help. What do you need? What can I do for you? And then respect the answer. Or try a simple I’m so sorry.

“When you make one other human simply see they aren’t alone, you make the world a better place.”

Lysa TerKeurst, Facebook, Sept. 10, 2019

But what do you do about those pesky feelings? It’s ok to feel that way. God isn’t mad at you for feeling that way. Me, too (but don’t hijack the conversation). I understand (but only if you really do – “tired” is not the same as chronic fatigue syndrome; “my husband is away for a week” is not the same as not having one). I can’t say I understand your struggle exactly, but I will certainly pray for you!

I don’t want to give the impression that reciting Bible verses is wrong, but do so judiciously. Don’t offer bandaids for bullet holes. Do offer a relevant Scripture or two, but don’t try to make the issue go away or minimalize it with the “magic” of Bible verses.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Bonus responses: I’m on the way with chocolate ice cream! Let’s meet at Starbucks; I’m buying. 

Seeking to understand is always better than trying to give answers! How are you planning on encouraging someone the next time the need arises? How do you need to be encouraged yourself? What works for you?

homeschool, learning styles, study skills, writing

How to F.O.C.U.S.

Bethany LaShell
Forget trying to get the kids to focus, I’m the one having problems concentrating! So, here are a few tips to help moms (or anyone else) focus on the task at hand, which will enable you to finish sooner.

F – FACEBOOK (Twitter, blogs, email, etc.) = NOT! Turn it off for a while!

O – ONE thing at a time. Even for multitasking mom mavens, it’s best to concentrate on doing one thing WELL at a time. You’ll find that you’re really more efficient in the long run.

C – CONCENTRATE on whatever is in front of you. Don’t be distracted by the T.V., kids jumping on the trampoline, or the cats chasing each other. Bonus: CAFFEINE helps–sometimes. You know yourself; if it helps, have some. If not, don’t.

U – UNDERSTAND that you will have interruptions no matter how good your intentions (and/or instructions) are. Sometimes your own thoughts will interrupt you with other things you have to do; write down whatever pops into your mind so you can get it out of your head and focus on what you’re supposed to be doing.

S – STAY on task for a specified length of time or until you meet a certain goal. Make short goals (to write 1,000 words, to clean 1 kitchen cabinet, to make 1 project, or whatever), meet each goal, then take a short break. Bonus: SLEEP. It’s a good thing. Get some.

Today’s confession: I scribbled the outline for this post while I was trying to focus on another writing project!

Q4U: What are your best tips for focusing on the task at hand?

anxiety, encouragement, homeschool

Recharge Your Batteries

Bethany LaShell
Let’s face it: homeschool moms expend a lot of energy. We’re not only the chief cooks and bottle washers, but we’re also the main teachers and guidance counselors for our children. And then, our hubbies like for us to reserve a little energy for them, too. Not to mention the fact that many homeschool moms also work-at-home (or even away from home) and volunteer at churches and other organizations. No wonder we often feel as if our batteries are dead! We’re expected to act and last like the Energizer Bunny on a dollar store charge.
So, what do we do about it? When, in our insanely overcrowded schedules and commitments, can we find time to recharge our batteries? Summer is the perfect time for homeschool moms to recoup. Some of us completely shut down our homeschools for the season (except for that field trip disguised as a vacation and the occasional worksheet or required book), while some of us keep going with the core subjects. Whatever schedule we follow, summer still tends to have slower, lighter expectations. Here are some ideas to get us started recharging our batteries:
·         Float in a pool
·         Catch fireflies in a jar with your kids
·         Pack a picnic lunch and relax near a playground while your kids do the monkey bars
·         Spend time at your favorite destination (beach, lake, mountains, state park, etc.)
·         Sleep in late a few times
·         Rent your favorite adult movie (And I don’t mean R-rated! I mean non-Sesame Street.)
·         Read your favorite book again
·         Journal about homeschooling highlights
·         Brainstorm with your hubby or other homeschooling friends how to improve this coming year, even if you had a good year
·         Sign your kids up for the free activities at your local library and spend that time browsing for new books
·         Set aside some girlfriend time and leave the kids home with your hubby or a responsible teenager (your own or a babysitter)
·         Soak up some sun (properly sunblocked and hatted, of course)
·         Soak up some Son—spend extra time reading Scriptures, praying, praising, and listening for God’s encouragement and direction           
I don’t know about you, but I’m solar powered. Sunshine makes me happy and energized! SON time is even more important. Add in a few of the ideas listed above to some quality solar time (both kinds) and your inner Energizer Bunny will be ready for the new school year come September.



anxiety, encouragement, homeschool, planning, writing

What’s Next?

Bethany LaShell
What should I do next? That question has often left me in a tizzy trying to figure out which item on my very-important-to-do-right-now list ought to be the next thing to receive my attention. Yes, I’ve read the books on prioritizing. Yes, I usually make a physical, written list of all that needs to be accomplished in a day. But, my lists always seem to have the word urgent beside each item. How do I choose what to do next?
A few months ago as I was cleaning out some files, I can across a copy of a page out of an old devotional book that was sent to me by my mother years ago. It contains an ancient poem that sums up what one must do on those occasions when it seems impossible to do anything. It simply says to do the next thing. I’m going to take the liberty of quoting the poem in its entirety here. The original author is anonymous.
          Doe the Nexte Thynge

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
It’s quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from heaven.
And on through the hours the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DOE THE NEXTE THYNGE.”
 Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, doe the nexte thynge.
 Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ’neath His wing,
Leave all resulting, doe the nexte thynge.
 Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be they demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as he beckons thee, doe the nexte thynge.

Did you have plans that got shot out of the water before 9 a.m. today? Me too. “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). Is your hand empty? “For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you’” (Isaiah 41:13). Still not sure where to turn next? Isaiah 30:21 makes it clear that God will show you which direction to go—if you listen to him. “Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.’”
So, what’s next? Is the baby’s diaper emanating a stench? Change it. Is your fifth grader stuck on the mysteries of making equivalent fractions? Teach her how. Will your husband be home for dinner in an hour? Put supper in the oven. Find the next thing to do, and then do it. The longer you spend agonizing over what to do, the more time you waste. Just do the next thing. 

about me, learning styles, lessons learned, medical issues, organization

Dealing with Chronic Illnesses, Part 5: Organization Helps

Bethany LaShell
I’m over at Heart of the Matter Online today. Hop on over and check out our other fabulous posts by our very talented writers.
Before y’all glare at me for suggesting more work for we who can barely manage the basics most of the time, let me assure you that being organized can help us. I promise. The end result of becoming and staying organized outweighs the effort and the time. I understand the overwhelming fatigue that comes with a chronic illness, especially if the one who’s sick is mom. However, having one or more children who have chronic illnesses is enough to sap the energy out of even the most energetic of us.
Benefits
When you feel well, take advantage of it, but try not to overdo it! When you don’t feel well, you’ve got routines, plans, and procedures in place that can just work themselves out. Obviously, the toddler is not going to feed himself breakfast, although he may try, but I’m more focused on school work and perhaps a little necessary housework.
What to organize
The question really should be, “What shouldn’t be organized?” Academics, routines, and appointments can be written down and displayed prominently for all family members to access easily. School supplies, art supplies, and toys can be in labeled containers. For those with nonreaders in the house, try using pictures instead of words, both for putting away toys and for routines.
How to keep it working
Don’t expect everything to get and stay organized with just a snap of the fingers a la Mary Poppins. Start slowly when you feel up to it. Gradually work your way towards a more organized home and a more organized routine. A little at a time, train kids to put stuff back, look at charts, and groove to routines.
Attitudes are everything
The right attitudes can go a long way towards making everyone feel more positively about homeschooling, organization, and chronic illnesses. The book of Proverbs reminds us that “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken,” and “A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones” (15:13; 17:22 NKJV). Let’s write these encouragements out and post them on the refrigerator beside the chore charts and schedules.

homeschool, learning styles

Learning Styles: Resources (Part 6)

Bethany LaShell
Our discussion the past few weeks barely scratches the surface of learning styles, but they give you a starting point. I don’t pretend to be an expert on learning styles, so instead I’ll recommend some resources below. In addition, merely Googling “learning styles” nets a plethora of definitions, quizzes, and websites. 

The Way They Learn, Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
Every Child Can Succeed, Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
Carol Barnier, author and speaker, http://www.carolbarnier.com/
Personalized homeschool curricula advice online by Cathy Duffy, http://homeedexpert.com/nav.aspx
Assessment: Find Your Strengths
What’s Your Learning Style?